Another Word for Nerd

Today’s color: “Earth”.

Today’s color choice, “Pinkle”:

I love my new socks.

From here.

I now seem to own a silver bucket.

Suggestions (please leave them on Facebook, not here) on what to do with it are welcome.

Some changes lately.

Kathy and I are no longer in a committed relationship, but are still very good friends. I feel fortunate to have her in my life in any capacity.

Tomorrow will be the six-month anniversary of Amy’s death. June 16th and December 16th It’s gonna be rough.

After repeated problems, I called AT&T and cancelled my U-Verse TV service yesterday, saving $70/month. I’m keeping the phone and Internet service; in fact I upgraded to the next speed level for the ‘net connection. From now on I’ll just watch streaming TV online or download shows and movies with BitTorrent. I’ve already got Popcorn Hour media players on both televisions, and will be eventually building XBMC media centers to replace those.

From “fourteen years ago today”. An old friend and ex-coworker sent me this, found while digging through mail archives.

From: Bill Bradford 
Subject: Re: Gimme, gimme, gimme 
To: Jeff Bewley 
Date: Thu, 12 Oct 1995 15:32:15 -0500 (CDT)
In-Reply-To: <199510122020.PAA08909@ion1.ionet.net>
from "Jeff Bewley" at Oct 12, 95 03:20:30 pm

> Well, folks, sorry to whine again,

Oh, no problem, wabbit@tulsa-victim.ionet.net.   We're used
to it by now. 

> Seriously, I have one #2 Win disk left, and I haven't ever
> got any Win95 disks...I know you guys hate running the
> Disk-o-matic 2000, but I hate having people stop by
> and get in my face for not having the software.  

I'll tell Jay when he gets here to fire it up.

> Thanks! I'll buy ya'll a beer next time I'm in OKC (heh..
> have fun splitting that can of Natural Light between
> the three of ya!)

Honestly, I just might be OLD ENOUGH by the time you get
down here to actually DRINK it!  I turn 21 on 11/5.
NOW if I can just get Mom to buy me that Netra5 for
my birthday.....  

> Seriously, I'd really appreciate any help you could give me on
> this! Thanks!

Will do.

bill

Jeff's comment, "No matter how bad things get, they'll never be as bad as duplicating install disks for Win95 at ioNET."

This post didn’t come out as clear in writing as it did in discussions over the weekend, but here it is anyway.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about things lately. Where I’ve been in life, what I’ve done, where I want to go, or heck, even what to have for lunch lately. Goals – stuff I wanted to do, stuff that’s happened, and things that I want to happen. Short and long-term.

If I had to name my biggest personality fault, it’s that when I’m in a relationship with someone, I will do my utmost to make them happy. I’ll do whatever is necessary (whether it involves physical actions, spending money, etc) to ensure their happiness – even if in the past that meant sacrificing some of my own satisfaction or contentment.

I would give up or postpone my own personal desires, wants, and needs in order to make sure that the other person got what they wanted, was able to go where they wanted to go, or do what they wanted to do. More than once I’ve sold my own personal property to make up for a shortcoming in money management to make sure that bills were paid, or to ensure that we could afford that pair of designer shoes or a purse that they wanted. For years, I’ve gotten used to giving up things that I’ve worked hard for and enjoyed.

This all boils down to the fact that I’ve done this too many times and that from now on, it’s time to make sure that I’m happy too. It’s possible for both myself and the person I’m with to be happy with the way things are, and that’s the way it’s going to be from now on.

Sure, every relationship involves some compromise, but there’s no longer going to be any “suck up and live with it” or “grin and bear it” or “I put up with it because I love her” excuses for things that shouldn’t be going on in the first place. It’s OKAY to say “Look, what you’re doing is not right” or “you need to sit down and please think about what your habit is doing to yourself, our relationship, and how it affects our finances”.

I’ve realized that unconditional love doesn’t have to mean unconditional sacrifice. It IS possible for BOTH people in a relationship to be happy.

It’s time for me to be truly happy again.

An old friend of Amy contacted me today, as she’d just heard about what happened. Amy had been a bridesmaid in her wedding four years ago, but they’d dropped out of touch. However, she had some pictures!

Of course, Amy is in the back wearing blue.

Update: Nancy sent me two more pictures.

I’ve mentioned “a friend” a lot lately, and well, it’s time to introduce that friend. Everyone, meet Kathy.

We met online about a month ago, and at first just intended to hang out as friends and swap stories (she also lost her spouse, a couple of years ago). However, things just CLICKED. I feel like I’ve known her for years, and really enjoy the time we get to spend together. Among other things, it’s nice to be able to swap “spouse stories” without the other person getting annoyed. I don’t have to worry about bursting into tears when talking about happy memories of Amy and our years together.

(December 2009 update): Kathy and I are no longer in a “committed relationship”, but remain close friends.

With the help of a friend, I took pictures of Amy’s purse collection tonight. You can find it here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrbill/sets/72157622277672266/

All the purses shown are for sale / best offer / for trade). Those that aren’t sold or traded will eventually be donated to a women’s shelter.