Thoughts About Personal Happiness and Sacrifice

This post didn’t come out as clear in writing as it did in discussions over the weekend, but here it is anyway.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about things lately. Where I’ve been in life, what I’ve done, where I want to go, or heck, even what to have for lunch lately. Goals – stuff I wanted to do, stuff that’s happened, and things that I want to happen. Short and long-term.

If I had to name my biggest personality fault, it’s that when I’m in a relationship with someone, I will do my utmost to make them happy. I’ll do whatever is necessary (whether it involves physical actions, spending money, etc) to ensure their happiness – even if in the past that meant sacrificing some of my own satisfaction or contentment.

I would give up or postpone my own personal desires, wants, and needs in order to make sure that the other person got what they wanted, was able to go where they wanted to go, or do what they wanted to do. More than once I’ve sold my own personal property to make up for a shortcoming in money management to make sure that bills were paid, or to ensure that we could afford that pair of designer shoes or a purse that they wanted. For years, I’ve gotten used to giving up things that I’ve worked hard for and enjoyed.

This all boils down to the fact that I’ve done this too many times and that from now on, it’s time to make sure that I’m happy too. It’s possible for both myself and the person I’m with to be happy with the way things are, and that’s the way it’s going to be from now on.

Sure, every relationship involves some compromise, but there’s no longer going to be any “suck up and live with it” or “grin and bear it” or “I put up with it because I love her” excuses for things that shouldn’t be going on in the first place. It’s OKAY to say “Look, what you’re doing is not right” or “you need to sit down and please think about what your habit is doing to yourself, our relationship, and how it affects our finances”.

I’ve realized that unconditional love doesn’t have to mean unconditional sacrifice. It IS possible for BOTH people in a relationship to be happy.

It’s time for me to be truly happy again.

3 thoughts on “Thoughts About Personal Happiness and Sacrifice

  1. Wow, Bill, what a turning point. I’m glad you’re coming to terms with these important aspects of your own life. I think this is how grief works as a defibrillator — helping us learn about ourselves.

    I’m very happy for you!



  2. Sounds like a good move forward. Seems like you’ve been trying to buy love with your sacrifices. Doesn’t work that way, I’m afraid.
    After much exploration of the subject I’m not sure I’m a fan of unconditional love. I think love should be conditional. You love the person for who they are, what they do, what they think, how they act. Unconditional love is a woolly counselling notion that doesn’t transfer well into the Real World. Consider, Compromise, Co-operate.
    Love should be a Joint Venture not one-way traffic

    Sue Fincham

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