Nothing makes you feel old like email…

From “fourteen years ago today”. An old friend and ex-coworker sent me this, found while digging through mail archives.

From: Bill Bradford 
Subject: Re: Gimme, gimme, gimme :)
To: Jeff Bewley 
Date: Thu, 12 Oct 1995 15:32:15 -0500 (CDT)
In-Reply-To: <> 
from "Jeff Bewley" at Oct 12, 95 03:20:30 pm

> Well, folks, sorry to whine again,

Oh, no problem, 8-)  We're used
to it by now. 

> Seriously, I have one #2 Win disk left, and I haven't ever
> got any Win95 disks...I know you guys hate running the
> Disk-o-matic 2000, but I hate having people stop by
> and get in my face for not having the software. :)

I'll tell Jay when he gets here to fire it up.

> Thanks! I'll buy ya'll a beer next time I'm in OKC (heh..
> have fun splitting that can of Natural Light between
> the three of ya!)

Honestly, I just might be OLD ENOUGH by the time you get
down here to actually DRINK it!  I turn 21 on 11/5.
NOW if I can just get Mom to buy me that Netra5 for
my birthday..... 8-)

> Seriously, I'd really appreciate any help you could give me on
> this! Thanks!

Will do.


Jeff's comment, "No matter how bad things get, they'll never be as bad as duplicating install disks for Win95 at ioNET."

Just a little ink…

Five years ago when I turned 30, I had a “midlife crisis” and got my left ear pierced. Since then, I’ve thought about getting something else done, but could never decide on what to get as a first tattoo.

After everything that’s happened in the past four months after Amy’s death, I now know what I”m going to get. Shortly after I’m Raised to Master Mason (hopefully on my birthday, November 5th), I’ll go down the street from my house and get this on my right upper arm, probably 3″x3″:

Why the Masonic Square and Compasses? Because it’s an organization I’ve wanted to join for years, finally joined last October, and my lodge Brothers are some of the main people who have kept me alive, sane, and occupied after Amy’s passing.

For a second tattoo, I may eventually get this, on my left upper arm:

Why this? Because Amy’s online nickname was “Steggy”, short for “Stegosaurus”. I think she would like it.

I will probably get the work done at The Electric Chair on Richmond, unless anyone has a recommendation for a better shop in that part of town.

Thoughts About Personal Happiness and Sacrifice

This post didn’t come out as clear in writing as it did in discussions over the weekend, but here it is anyway.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about things lately. Where I’ve been in life, what I’ve done, where I want to go, or heck, even what to have for lunch lately. Goals – stuff I wanted to do, stuff that’s happened, and things that I want to happen. Short and long-term.

If I had to name my biggest personality fault, it’s that when I’m in a relationship with someone, I will do my utmost to make them happy. I’ll do whatever is necessary (whether it involves physical actions, spending money, etc) to ensure their happiness – even if in the past that meant sacrificing some of my own satisfaction or contentment.

I would give up or postpone my own personal desires, wants, and needs in order to make sure that the other person got what they wanted, was able to go where they wanted to go, or do what they wanted to do. More than once I’ve sold my own personal property to make up for a shortcoming in money management to make sure that bills were paid, or to ensure that we could afford that pair of designer shoes or a purse that they wanted. For years, I’ve gotten used to giving up things that I’ve worked hard for and enjoyed.

This all boils down to the fact that I’ve done this too many times and that from now on, it’s time to make sure that I’m happy too. It’s possible for both myself and the person I’m with to be happy with the way things are, and that’s the way it’s going to be from now on.

Sure, every relationship involves some compromise, but there’s no longer going to be any “suck up and live with it” or “grin and bear it” or “I put up with it because I love her” excuses for things that shouldn’t be going on in the first place. It’s OKAY to say “Look, what you’re doing is not right” or “you need to sit down and please think about what your habit is doing to yourself, our relationship, and how it affects our finances”.

I’ve realized that unconditional love doesn’t have to mean unconditional sacrifice. It IS possible for BOTH people in a relationship to be happy.

It’s time for me to be truly happy again.